Wedding Etiquette Sitemap

01. ENGAGEMENT - In Victorian days it was necessary for a man to approach the father or guardian of his prospective fiancee before he could ask the girl herself. Nowadays many young couples announce their engagement without consulting their parents in any way. Despite this, etiquette demands that a proposal be made in the correct manner.

02. WEDDING INVITATION - Invitations to the wedding should be sent out three weeks before the ceremony takes place. They should be sent to all relatives and intimate friends, whether or not they will be able to attend the wedding. This gives guests sufficient time to make arrangements to be present, and the bridal couple still have a reasonable period in which to notify the inevitable "omissions ".

03. BRIDAL TROUSSEAU - The word trousseau derives from the French trousse, and refers to the bundle which the bride took to her new home in olden times. It now means the bride's outfit of lingerie, clothes, jewellery and so on, part of which will be subscribed as gifts by friends, the balance being bought by the bride herself.

From the time of her engagement, the average bride is continually busy preparing her " bottom drawer ".

04. GROOM CLOTHES - The groom, as well as the bride, needs new clothes for the wedding, honeymoon and after. Unlike his future wife, he is unlikely to receive any gifts, so the clothes he buys must be strictly in line with his personal resources.

He must take into consideration the clothes he already possesses, those he will need at his wedding and on his honey­moon, and any special requirements of his new status.

05. BEST MAN + GROOM - In choosing the best man, the bridal couple should select a man who is a good mixer, attentive to details, and a willing worker. He should also be a bachelor. The best man has a number of important duties to perform, and he must see that nothing has been forgotten.

If it is a church wedding he will leave the bride and bride­groom to make the necessary arrangements with the vestry clerk and the organist. They will discover what fees should be paid and arrange with the best man to pay them either before or after the service.

06. CHIEF BRIDESMAID + BRIDE’S MOTHER - The chief bridesmaid is selected from the other bridesmaids, who may number from one to eight. Four to six is the usual number. The bridesmaids are usually chosen from among the unmarried relatives of the bride and bridegroom. If the bride has an unmarried sister, the role of chief bridesmaid usually falls to her.

07. WHAT KIND - Careful plans should be made for the wedding day, and it is very important that these should be made early.

The bride decides what kind of wedding it is to be— whether it is to be held in a church or Register Office, the month, day and time, and so on.

In some cases a meeting is arranged between the respective parents to discuss the arrangements for the ceremony. In this event, an informal dinner party is given by the bride's parents and all the details are discussed and decided there.

08. CHURCH WEDDING - Provided that there is no other valid objection, a clergyman of the Church of England must marry a couple on any day of the week they wish, including Sunday and Good Friday. The law is vague on this matter. It is as well always to discuss the matter with the vicar.

There are very strict ecclesiastical rules against the remar­riage of those who have a partner living.

09. ROMAN CATHOLIC - The Roman Catholic marriage ceremony, unlike that of the Church of England, does not vary. There are two forms: Simple and Solemn. The Simple Wedding consists of the marriage vows blessed by the priest and witnessed by two witnesses. The form of service is very brief and lasts no more than a few minutes. The Solemn Wedding means the marriage vows followed by Holy Mass during which the special blessing is given.

10. FREE CHURCH - The Marriage Act of 1898 provides for the appointment of an "authorized person “to be present to register the mar­riages of Baptists, Congregationalists, Methodists, Presby­terians and members of the other non-established Protestant denominations. If the provisions of the Act have been adopted and the chapel has been registered the minister is usually the "authorized person " and performs the duties of a registrar in addition to conducting the service.

11. JEWISH CEREMONY - A Jewish marriage is solemnized generally in a synagogue.Civil law, however, permits the solemnization in any building whatsoever and at any time of the day. In all cases, before the Jewish religious ceremony of marriage is performed the parties must obtain and produce the certificate of the Super­intendent Registrar(s) for Marriages of the district(s) in which they live, permitting the marriage either by certificate or by license.

12. QUAKER CEREMONY - Marriage conducted according to the usage of the Society of Friends were accorded legal validity in 1661 and the usage has been confirmed by subsequent legislation. Limited at first to those in membership, an Act of i860 permitted an extension to those who, though not in membership, were in agreement with the Quaker testimony as to the nature and character of marriage.

13. WEDDING PRESENTS - For persons with a large circle of friends, wedding presents may become something of a tax, but everyone naturally wishes to reciprocate the courtesy of an invitation by sending the bride a gift. The cost will depend on the circumstances of the donor, and the degree of intimacy. If the engagement is a short one, close friends often forward gifts as soon as the announcement is made, but the majority send presents when accepting or declining the invitation.

14. WEDDING BREAKFAST - It pays to employ a good caterer to handle the wedding meal, fornot only must die food be satisfactory, but it must be served well, on attractive china, silver and glassware.

In the case of wedding breakfasts or luncheons, the bride and bridegroom sit at the head of the horse-shoe table, the wife on her husband's left. The bride's mother sits on the bridegroom's right, with the groom's father next to her.

15. RECEPTION - Whether the reception is being held at the bride's home or elsewhere, the guests should be welcomed by the bride's parents.

If the reception is being held at home, it is advisable to use a small room in which to receive the guests, and a larger room for serving food.

The guests are received by the mother of the bride, and then by her father. A little farther on they greet the bride­groom's parents, and join the queue leading to the bride and bridegroom, with whom they shake hands, and say a few words of congratulation.

16. PHOTOGRAPHS - Arrangements should be made two or three weeks before the ceremony for a good photographer to attend. His services will cost two guineas, or more.

Three separate groupings are usually taken—the bridal couple; bride and bridegroom with parents, bridesmaids and best man; and bride and bridegroom in the central fore­ground with other members of the party around them.

17. HONEYMOON - The location and duration of the honeymoon depend upon the bridegroom's finances, his business responsibilities, and the personal preferences of his bride and himself. The majority of newly-married couples spend a week or a fortnight on their honeymoon.

Accommodation should be booked up well in advance. On the whole, it is best to have a short honeymoon rather than a long one.

18. NEW HOME - Tastes, incomes and other conditions vary so much that to give the bridal couple specific directions regarding the choice and furnishing of their new home would be useless. At the same time it is desirable that some of the general features which they should consider should be pointed out, although freedom of choice is nowadays rarely possible.

19. WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES - A husband should always make a point of remembering his wedding anniversary, as this means so much to a woman. He should buy a suitable present for his wife, perhaps one of the articles associated with that particular year, viz.:

First Year                         Cotton
Second Year                      Paper
Third Year                       Leather
Fourth Year                       Silk
Fifth Year                         Wood
Sixth Year                        Iron
Seventh Year                     Wool

20. LEGAL ASPECT - The legal aspects of matrimony are seldom studied by the prospective bride and bridegroom. Nevertheless, the bear­ing of the law on a marriage is a subject of considerable importance.

A husband must support his wife according to his means. But if he has no means, and she has, his wife must support him!

INDEX - E

Engagement, the Broken, 17  the Long, 17
Engagement Party, the 15
England, the Honeymoon in, 99
Etiquette, Family, 15
Exchanging Presents, 85
Expenses, Groom’s, 45
Mother’s, 17

THE END